Pay $15, and somehow get some things.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
WHAT IS THIS?
This is our holiday promotion, Cards Against Humanity Saves America. You’ll pay us $15 right now, and we’ll send you six surprises in December.
WHAT ARE THE SIX SURPRISES?
The nature of a surprise is that it surprises you when it occurs.
WHAT ARE YOU SAVING AMERICA FROM?
Injustice, lies, racism, the whole enchilada.
YOU SAID YOU WEREN’T GOING TO DO ONE OF THESE COMPLICATED HOLIDAY PROMOTIONS AGAIN.
We’re liars, just like the president.
I DON’T LIKE THAT YOU’RE GETTING POLITICAL. WHY DON’T YOU JUST STICK TO CARD GAMES?
Why don’t you stick to seeing how many Hot Wheels cars you can fit up your asshole?
WHEN WILL I RECEIVE MY GIFTS?
Throughout the month of December you will receive a veritable bukkake of surprises. Get ready.
I DON’T LIVE IN THE US OR CANADA. CAN I STILL SIGN UP?
No. This is Cards Against Humanity Saves America, not Cards Against Humanity Saves The Dumb Country You Live In.
I’D LIKE TO CANCEL MY ORDER.
We’d like to cancel the 2016 election, but neither of us is going to get what we want.
CAN I GIVE THIS AS A GIFT?
Sure. Just put in their address instead of yours. We won’t tell them it’s from you.
ARE THESE SURPRISES GOING TO EMBARRASS ME OR THE THE PERSON WHO’S GETTING THEM?
The surprises contain no sexual content, graphic violence, or footage of Donald Trump watching Russian prostitutes urinate on a bed Obama slept in. They do have some naughty words, though.
I WANT TO GIVE THIS AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT. WILL THE GIFTS ARRIVE ON THE EXACT DATE I NEED THEM? CAN I EXPEDITE SHIPPING?
We can’t control the exact dates and there’s no expedited shipping.
CAN I USE AN APO OR FPO ADDRESS?
Unfortunately, we can’t ship these gifts to APO or FPO addresses. Please forgive us, or use someone else’s domestic address.
IS CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT NOW?
We’re just being regular correct.
DAY ONE PREVIEW
CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY
STOPS THE WALL
Donald Trump is a preposterous golem who is afraid of Mexicans. He is so afraid that he wants to build a twenty-billion dollar wall that everyone knows will accomplish nothing. So we’ve purchased a plot of vacant land on the border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for the wall to get built.
On Day 1, all Cards Against Humanity Saves America recipients will get an illustrated map of the land, a certificate of our promise to fight the wall, some new cards, and a few other surprises.