Gaming Trend

Gaming Trend Review

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack Sparrow

1. Official Site
2. Platform: PS2
3. Publisher: Bethesda Softworks
4. Developer: 7-Studios
5. Release Date: 06/27/06
6. Genre: Action/Adventure

by Mitch Youngblood

What would An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge have been like had author Ambrose Bierce set the tale in the world of pirates instead of the Civil War? Doubtless you’ve asked yourself that very question many a night while tossing restlessly about in your bunk as have we all. Fortunately, we are left to ponder no longer for none other than Captain Jack Sparrow has heard our cry for piratical literary variants and the result is none other than Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack Sparrow. As the game begins, we find the (in)famous and well traveled buccaneer beginning his adventure while at the end of a rope. His only hope is that young Will Turner can free him before time runs out.

The catch is that Turner is standing right next to Sparrow with a rope around his own throat, thus forcing Sparrow to regale the assembled crowd with exaggerated tales of daring-do while thinking of an escape plan. While Jack schemes, gamers explore the inner workings of his mind by controlling both him, Turner, and others through a series of increasingly exaggerated escapades that may or may not have actually happened the way they’re told. Turner goes so far as to comment during Jack's adventures that he wasn’t even there for some of them.

This is one of those ideas where the concept is brilliant, but it absolutely should never have become a video game. Why is that, you ask? For the very same reasons why the pulp fiction artists of the early 20th century kept the focus on their stories and not themselves. If you can see the man behind the curtain the whole time he’s telling you a story, while using puppets as his actors, then the illusion is shattered. One needs their imagination working overtime to accept that rescuing a whale from a frozen cavern will ensure its personal allegiance to a pirate captain and his ship. If we see it in action and know full well that it never happened then the whole time we spend playing the game is utterly meaningless unless the game is fun beyond measure.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack Sparrow is a lot of things, but fun is hardly one of them.

Calling this game "dog ugly" would be a disservice to dogs the world over. Watch the character models for five minutes and try saying with a straight face that they look better than first generation PS1 models. Each model is little more than a blocky stick figure with a skin of the actor’s face stretched over the head. Combine that with uninspired backgrounds, utterly lifeless action sequences, bland explosions, and on and on and the result is a game as ugly to look at as it is to play. The enemies consist of one enemy pirate, four variations on the same pirate, a crack bunch of skeletons and/or monsters, and an individual boss per level.

Call me crazy but, if the films have taught us anything, it’s that the Caribbean was home to all manner of diversity among pirates. Some chose to wear ear rings, some donned head scarves, and others managed to combine the two while throwing in a dash of eyeliner for that added dose of piratical verve. Why are we the public left feeling forlorn at the lack of piratical verve, 7-Studios? Why?

About the only thing Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack Sparrow manages to get right is the nefarious captain’s gait. As he stands with swords at the ready his character will sway back and forth exactly as Depp did in the films. This lone attention to detail comes off as an odd thing to focus on because obviously the designers were capable of better. Or at least more than this one thing. Or maybe that was the one thing they figured out how to get exactly right then winged it the rest of the time. If you can make it through the entire game without your head hurting at least once then more power to you.

The sole high point of the entire game is that Johnny Depp voices Captain Jack Sparrow. That’s it, plain and simple. What remains somewhat fuzzier is whether or not Depp was in point of fact enthusiastic about voicing said character in one example of the financial model modern Hollywood has embraced. He veers wildly from energetic to just going through the motions sometimes in the same sequence. Whenever he is "on" though Captain Jack Sparrow is just as mesmerizing to listen to as he is to see on the big screen. Depp lucked into the one of a kind role where actor and character were absolutely meant to be together and his work in the films is iconic. His vocal work alone manages to salvage an otherwise worthless piece of software, so if you’re as gung-ho a fan of Depp’s work as the rest of America then you’ll find something to enjoy here.

If the rest of the voice actors were even half as impassioned or as eloquent as Depp then this score would be through the roof. Several of the actors obviously phone in their performances but there is another worth mentioning if only because he takes over-the-top awful to insane heights. Nolan North goes all out with the character Don Carrera De La Vega and it’s almost worth renting the game just to hear how he pronounces his name. He twirls it on his tongue and savors unleashing it as though it were a weapon all by itself.

The sound effects must have all come from a stock recording CD sampler because nothing sounds unique. There is canon fire, gun fire, explosions, and swords clanging together. Combine those with the voice acting and there you have every sound effect in the entire game. Everything has been heard before and been performed better elsewhere, but those two voices all by themselves pull a C grade up to a B.

The controls are about as basic as one can get, especially since the game is little more than a button mashing combat-fest. The thumbsticks are for control, the X button is for light attacks, the square button is for heavy attacks, the triangle is for the light special attack, and the circle button picks up things and also locks sabers with your opponent during swordfights. The R1 button blocks, the L1 button locks target, the R2 button is the heavy special attack, and the L2 button initiates a running kick once you unlock the ability to do so.

This leads us to the combat aspect of the game which features extensive combo moves that are purchased with all the "hidden" treasure you come across. Earn enough and your player characters will swash nine kinds of buckles in their pursuit of Sparrow’s continued fancies. In reality, all this means is the game devolves into the sort of button mashing that drives people up the wall. But at least the combination moves are easier to remember than any in the Tekken series for whatever that’s worth.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack Sparrow reminds me of the old joke from Young Guns II that says there’s good news and bad news. The bad news is the only thing they have for dinner is horse crap, but the good news is there’s tons of it.

The game lets players alternately control Captain Jack Sparrow and whomever his companion is during combat and you switch between the two with the directional pad. The moves are basically the same for all the characters with the exception being some of them add a flourish to their heavy strikes whereas Sparrow just beats the tar out people. So if you’re thinking this title is all about combat set in a pirate universe while Johnny Depp expounds on the nature of piracy and the wonders of the Seven Seas then you’ve pegged what the intent probably was.

In actuality, players race from one encounter with three or four guards (who are always similar in appearance) to another encounter with three or four more guards (who remain similar in appearance) and pick up several chests worth of not-so-buried treasure en route. Players must go through roughly three to four maps per mission and there is a boss at the end of that mission who must be taken down.

This is the exact sort of game we’ve all been playing for nigh on two decades now so how is it that the developers managed to not infuse it with any fun? At least there was the chance for recycled fun where we’d burn through it while saying, "Wow, I’ve played this before but hey it’s at least a fun way to kill time." The only thing killed on my watch were brain cells so much so that I felt compelled to watch all four hours of Lawrence of Arabia just to try and feel smarter again. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack Sparrow is little more than an endurance test for how much bad game one can take in a single sitting. Considering what other things are available to do in the world at any given moment, playing this game should never be one of them.

Savor Johnny Depp’s voice acting because that’s all Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of Jack Sparrow has going for it. Period, end of story. The illustrious Captain Jack Sparrow may be front and center for the duration of the game but since his tales are both wholly irrelevant and not very fun to play then we’re left with a coaster that comes with an instruction manual. Do yourselves a favor and skip this one.

Disney may have a massive hit in the theaters but they have one heck of a dud for the PS2. This almost recalls the fabled ET in terms of rushing something, ANYTHING, out the door to cash-in on a popular movie only with better voice work. The graphics are probably comparable. With the lone exception of Johnny Depp, there is exactly zero worth recommending here. Save your money and take the kids to see the movie again and you won’t have to listen to them ask you why this game sucks so much that they think you’re punishing them.

Gaming Trend Score

52

1. Graphics: 40
2. Audio: 82
3. Controls: 82
4. Gameplay: 40
5. Value/Replay: 30
6. OVERALL:52